oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
