You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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