Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
