Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize