just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
