Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
