I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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