Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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