It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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