At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
