Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you had me at cake vodka
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
