Your face is a jimmy john
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Girls should come with a carfax report
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
