gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
