when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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