i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
