i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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