just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
