oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
