I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you never un-have a 4some
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
