Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
