the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The power of my boobs compel you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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