i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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