i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
