Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
