Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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