end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
