I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize