I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
