You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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