if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize