omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
