Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am puke
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
