I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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