It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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