forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
