I queefed so loud it echoed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
