Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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