Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
