dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
