Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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