I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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