I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
