It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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