we made out on top of his cat.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
