How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
