I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize