Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
