So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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