I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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