Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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