grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
