i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
