Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize