20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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