The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
