Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
