I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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