You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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