There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
