Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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