Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
