and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
