My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
