I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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