Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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