If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
