He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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