You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
