Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
