Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
