It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
