he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I enjoy the company of your penis
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
