is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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