We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
