his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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