I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
