you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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