we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
