Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize