this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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