My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
