Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He shit in the fireplace
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
